Housekeeper needed
by ArokuRaita
Summary: Saitama's home is a mess, so the hero decides to hire a housekeeper who cleans, cook and do the laundry. However, the candidate who shows is more a problem than a solution...
1. The first (and only) option

**Housekeeper needed**

_By ArokuRaita_

Disclaimer: One Punch Man belongs to ONE and Yuusuke Murata and this fanfic was written nonprofit.

English isn't my native language, so if I made a mistake, I'll appreciate if you tell me =)

* * *

**1\. The first (and only) option**

"We need someone to clean this up" Saitama said as soon as he opened his eyes. His apartment was a mess, with used clothes and dishes on the floor, scraps of food on the table and a thin layer of dust over the furniture.

"Sensei, I'm so sorry! I hadn't been able to do it lately, due to the large presence of kaijins, but I'll catch up immediately" Genos said, analyzing the place with his eye-cameras.

"But ... You're a class S hero!"

After a few seconds, Genos took out his notebook and began to write.

"What are you doing?"

"Sensei, I don't understand your reasoning, so I'll try to analyze it"

"You better write an ad that says 'housekeeper needed'". Saitama remembered a maid coffee he saw in TV and couldn't help but add: "Maid uniform required"

Genos looked at him, surprised.

"If I write that, many candidates may feel intimidated or offended, sensei"

"In that case, make it optional" the bald hero sighed.

* * *

_I've trained for several months to be faster than Saitama, I think I'm finally ready to challenge him once again_, Sonic told to himself as he made his way to his nemesis' apartment. Suddenly, he stopped at a light pole. Someone had stuck a flyer:

"Housekeeper needed indoors (strikethrough) outdoors. Optional maid uniform, must know how to cook, clean quickly, wash and iron. Negotiable pay. The address is [in the Abandoned Zone] Call Saitama at cell phone..."

The same announcement was around Saitama's building, but not beyond. _This guy is an idiot, doesn't he know that he and his robot are the only ones who live here?_, the ninja thought, smiling with contempt. Was it worth to try so hard to be faster than Saitama, if in intelligence he far exceeded him?

Anyway, it would be interesting to know that guy's daily life, his training, nutritional regimen and life philosophy. An ambitious housekeeper could draw his best kept secret out: his extraordinary speed and strength!

He kept walking towards Saitama's apartment, slowly, until he stopped... And he ran to Z City central districts. He had an idea.

* * *

"We put the flyers a week ago and nobody comes yet", Saitama complained.

"I toured the whole city sticking flyers. Maybe it would've been better not to mention the address, because people know that's in the Abandoned Zone of Z City, sensei", Genos replied.

"Don't be silly, they need to know where the apartment is"

Then, there was a knock at the door. When Genos opened, he saw a woman with black hair and light blue eyes, thin build, little bust... and dressed as a maid.

"Good afternoon. I came for the job; my name is Speed... of Cleaning Sonia. Nice to meet you"

Genos narrowed his eyes.

"Speed of Cleaning Sonia? What kind of name is that?"

"It's my cleaning business' name, okay?"

"Excuse me, miss, but you remind me a very annoying and perverted person who always harasses my sensei..."

The young man in disguise blushed and, suddenly, Genos felt his left cheek burning. He had received a very quick slap.

"How rude! How can you talk like that to a lady?"

"Hey! What's going on outside? Who is it, Genos?" Saitama said, approaching the entrance.

"I'm here for the housekeeping job, sir" Sonic answered. When Saitama saw 'her', a wide smile appeared on his face.

"Good afternoon! I'm glad you came... And you're dressed as a maid! You're hired. Come in, come in"

The apartment was still a mess and Sonic had to suppress a retch when he saw food remains scattered across the table and the floor. _How could I have thought that this was a good idea? Also, it doesn't seem like they have money_, he reproached himself.

"Genos will explain you how our home works" Saitama said, while devoting his attention to a manga.

"Is it okay to hire her without an interview, sensei?" the cyborg consulted him, lowering his voice.

"We don't have other options, right?"

Genos agreed and, addressing the young woman, began:

"At 10 o'clock in the morning, Saitama-sensei gets up. At 10.15, he eats breakfast and between 10.30 and 11.00 he conducts an investigation through the media. Then he leaves and, at 2.00 pm, he has lunch. After 4.00 pm, he goes out again to fight evil and returns at 8.00 pm, to dine and check the news. Every week, when there's a special sale, he'll go to the closest konbini and buys fruits, vegetables, rice, eggs, meat, milk..."

"I think that's enough, Genos"

"As you say, sensei. Regarding the money..." Genos pulled a wad of 10,000 yen bills from his pocket.

"We can reach an agreement, no problem", the ninja exclaimed cheerfully. Then, he became serious and added: "I have nowhere to go, can I stay here? Or is it better in the adjacent apartment?"

"There is fine" Genos said, while Saitama replied, at the same time as his disciple: "Here is fine"

Both men looked at each other, surprised. With a gesture, Sonic downplayed the issue and decided to stay in the other apartment. A real woman would do that. Besides, to share such a dirty and reduced space with his opponents disgusted him beyond words.

"Then, tomorrow you'll start your work. Nice to meet you, Sonia-chan!"

Saitama waved goodbye, happily. Genos just nodded. Sonic faked a smile, which disappeared as soon as he left the apartment. _'Sonia-chan'... You'll see when I surpass you, damn Saitama_, the ninja thought.


	2. One of Saitama's weak spots

**Housekeeper needed**

_By ArokuRaita_

Disclaimer: One Punch Man belongs to ONE and Yuusuke Murata and this fanfic was written nonprofit.

* * *

**2\. One of Saitama's weak spots**

"Well, Sonia-san. Here are all the cleaning things for you to do your job", the cyborg said, while showing him a box full of good quality products. It was obvious that he was in charge of that task. Trying to be polite, the ninja thanked him.

"Is there something I should be careful about, Genos... san?"

The blonde's eyes sparkled as he recited a long list of advices about Saitama's clothes, his mouthwash bottle and a lot of things Sonic couldn't memorize. Finally, the black-haired man just nodded and faked a friendly smile.

When Saitama and Genos left due to an urgent call, Sonic threw himself on the futon to watch television. _Maybe Saitama is faster than me, but he's not a ninja, so I'm still the fastest ninja in the world_, he thought, satisfied.

Only at about 13.30, he started to clean the apartment and it only took him five minutes. Then he did the laundry and prepared lunch. He was arranging the table when the heroes returned. Genos inspected the room with his eye-cameras, but the homeowner paid no attention.

"Oh, it smells really good, Sonia-chan! What did you cook?"

"Toads and snakes"

Genos walked menacingly towards Sonic.

"That's rude! Apologize to Saitama-sensei!"

Saitama grabbed his disciple and sat him down.

"Relax, Genos. I'm sure you received that answer as a child, didn't you? It's normal"

"But... Sensei, you are no longer a child. You don't deserve that treatment".

_Wow, this robot pampers Saitama a lot,_ Sonic told himself, as he returned to the kitchen and poured the meal into three plates.

"Sonia-chan, won't you eat with us?" the bald asked when the ninja delivered the dishes and went with his lunch to his apartment.

"No, Saitama san. I prefer to eat alone", he apologized, secretly begging to be allowed to leave.

"Well, I guess you still have to get used to our company. See you later, then". After that, Saitama looked at his meal, exclaimed 'Itadakimasu!' and forgot the rest.

* * *

_I thought he was going to try to keep me in his apartment_, Sonic thought while eating. The dish had been exquisite, but something was bugging him.

Honestly, Saitama was different from other people he had met. He didn't say anything about last night's dinner and wasn't bothered by the 'toads and snakes' answer. Apparently, his strength wasn't only physical. Perhaps even his obvious stupidity masked a superior intellect... _No, I seriously doubt that_, Sonic thought.

When he finished, he washed his dish and brushed his teeth. Then, he looked at himself in the bathroom mirror and couldn't help but get angry.

_Why didn't he insist me to stay with them? Did he suspect something? Didn't he find me beautiful?_ Only after a few seconds he realized that his last thought wasn't right.

"AARGH!"

* * *

Now in Saitama's apartment, Genos asked 'Sonia' what happened, since he had heard 'her' scream.

"Nothing, it was just women's issues", Sonic said. He had no idea what those issues were, but he heard it from a woman once and, apparently, Genos understood, because he stopped asking.

When it was time to hang the clothes, Genos took the laundry basket from Sonic and hung them himself. Sometimes, he held some clothes and threw them some liquid with one of his fingers, or applied heat to them.

"What is he doing?" Sonic asked Saitama.

"He says he'll make my suit waterproof, but the only thing I hope is that it doesn't shrink... Hey, I forgot to congratulate you for your work, Sonia-chan. Food was delicious and the house is very clean and tidy! I'm glad you're here"

Sonic didn't know how to answer. People used to thank him with money, not words, and never with such a carefree attitude. He blushed, said 'Oh, okay' and went to the kitchen. Saitama watched her.

"Something wrong, sensei?" Genos asked when he finished with the clothes.

"No, I just thought about how well Sonia-chan works"

Genos inspected again the apartment with his eye-cameras.

"It's true. In addition, she's very fast. It reminded me of that ninja who always chases you..."

"Panic? Don't compare her with that guy! Sonia-chan is better", Saitama exclaimed. In the kitchen, Sonic paid attention, nervous. What if they discovered him?

"But she has a very similar face, the same shadow under the eyes, her hairstyle is similar... When I saw her for the first time, I thought it was Sonic disguised as a woman"

_ARGH, damn cyborg! Damned thousand times!_, he shouted mentally in the kitchen. He almost dropped a glass, but managed to catch it.

"Don't be silly, Genos. Why would he do something like that?"

"According to my calculations, he could do it to obtain privileged information about your philosophy of life, your habits, your diet and your training. He could even infiltrate to attack or poison you. Sensei, you're the strongest man on Earth, but I don't know if your digestive system is the same..."

_Oh, it would be good to try that theory_, Sonic thought, smiling.

"Genos, I think you're exaggerating. I can eat almost anything. Also, I guess Sonic is training to beat me or something like that".

"And then he'll come to bother you. If I see him again, I'll get rid of him".

"NO! Last time you did it, both of you almost destroyed my house!". Then, the bald man chuckled. "But... Can you imagine Sonic dressed as a woman?"

Genos looked at him, undaunted.

"Yes, I think he would look like Sonia-san"

"Come on, don't you have sense of humor?"

"I don't know if that function is integrated in my database. But if Sonic were a woman, surely 'she' would be a stalker and a pervert, and would use obscene and lustful ways to attack you".

"Hey, do you realize how good that sounds?"

_What is that pile of junk saying?! I wouldn't be like that! I'll get revenge, I swear..._, Sonic promised to himself, furious.

* * *

That night, Sonic prepared a plentiful dinner. The cyborg ate the same amount as always, but Saitama devoured almost all the dishes. The ninja barely tasted a bite while watching the bald man with a badly suppressed smile.

"Why are you smiling, Sonia-san?" Genos asked, suspicious.

"Oh, I'm just flattered that Saitama-san seems to like my cooking so much" Sonic confessed, laughing out loud inside.

He hadn't heard that kaijins could be eaten, so he decided to find out while both heroes were away. Armed with a katana and his ninja costume, Sonic searched for the most disgusting monsters that appeared in the abandoned sector and cut them off completely. "My flesh and skin are poisonous!", one shouted before dying. Sonic gave him one of his childish smiles and replied: "So much the better!" Then, he seasoned and cooked the meat until it looked normal.

That was what Saitama was eating. The ninja hoped that Genos wouldn't notice.

"Won't you eat more, Genos?"

"No, sensei. My digestive system cannot process too much food".

"What about you, Sonia-chan?"

"I'm fine with vegetables, thank you"

"You're very thin, eat meat!" Saitama insisted, passing him the poisonous food. The 'maid' hesitated.

"Or maybe is something wrong with the meat?" Genos muttered.

He'd have to risk himself so as not to arouse suspicion. Sonic took a small piece of meat under the cyborg's watchful eyes and put it in his mouth. He swallowed it almost without chewing.

Saitama smiled. Sonic too, barely.

That night, the ninja spent the whole night in his bathroom, with a horrible diarrhea. Next day, while cleaning Saitama's house toilet (he looked a little pale, but nothing more), he discovered two things: 1) his rival had spent a similar night in the bathroom, and 2) his digestive system had no super powers. Sonic took a mop, two pairs of gloves, cursed and began to clean.


	3. Break

**Housekeeper needed**

_By ArokuRaita_

Disclaimer: One Punch Man belongs to ONE and Yuusuke Murata and this fanfic was written nonprofit.

I'm sorry, I talk about Sonic (him, his) and Sonia (she, her) almost indistinctly. I hope it's not too complicated to follow!

* * *

**3\. Break**

"Sonia-chan, today some friends will come to eat dinner. Do you mind joining me to buy some things?" Saitama asked the maid one morning.

Honestly, Sonic was bored, so he liked the idea. Besides, he could see how was the relationship between the hero and the people, because at least in his house was an average guy. There was nothing interesting or funny about him. Sonic even spied Genos' diary, but only found reflections about nonsense. Anyway, the cyborg managed to find wisdom in those things, so it was an interesting reading.

"Sure, Saitama-san. Is it OK if I go with my maid uniform?"

"Maybe you'll draw some attention, but if you don't care, no problem"

_I'm a ninja, I hate attracting attention... But I forgot to buy womenswear along with this stupid suit. It would have been more embarrasing_, Sonic thought, trying to forget that awful moment.

They walked to the exit (closed with chains and padlocks) that divided the abandoned area from Z City. Sonic was about to jump the fence, when he saw Saitama opening the gates to let 'her' pass. _Damn, I almost gave myself away!_ and _Such a gentleman_ were the thoughts that crossed his mind. The last one worried him sick.

Many days had passed for him working for Saitama, with his maid suit and small mob cap, when Sonic noted that those clothes and how the heroes treated him was affecting him. If he added the punches the baldy one gave him in the crotch some time ago, he felt he was... feminizing himself. 'Sonia-chan' took control of his mind more frequently, and it was horrifying, because those changes only happened when Saitama was around.

Walking to the grocery store was an odyssey. Sonic saw that men and women turned to watch 'her' from head to toe, while only kids looked to the most powerful man in Earth... because of his baldness.

"Hey baldie, is she cosplaying? Is she your girlfriend? Why is she so cute? Why are you bald?"

"Don't call me 'baldie', she's not cosplaying, she's my housekeeper, I don't know why she's cute, don't ask about that, you insolent brat!"

Sonic couldn't help but laugh. It sounded sweet and feminine, but he didn't care. Maybe it was a good idea giving Sonia more freedom, at least for a while.

"Sonia-chan, are you laughing about my baldness too?", the hero asked, upset, after shooing the kids off.

"No, it just struck me how unknown you are. If they knew..."

"If they knew, there would be no heroes. People who struggle to get better and make justice, like Munen Rider, would lose their resolve and they would hate me"

Sonia got serious and said, contemptously:

"So you're a good man who thinks about humanity, after all"

Saitama looked at her.

"No, I just want to have more time for myself. But if you want to think I do it because I'm a good man, it's also true: I don't want to take away anyone's desire to progress".

After that, he kept walking. Sonia did the same after a couple of seconds.

* * *

People still looked at 'her' in the store. The maid's cheeks were red; 'she' was frowning and looking to the floor. Anyone could think it was because of shyness, but actually 'she' was irritated by Saitama's gaze. Every time 'she' looked up, Sonia found out he already had his eyes fixed on 'her'. Didn't he see 'her' every day at home?

"If I knew you'd be so upset about being in the limelight, I wouldn't have invited you, Sonia-chan", the bald muttered while smiling. Sonia snorted.

"I never thought this would happen"

"That's strange, because you're very beautiful..."

'Her' cheeks reddened a lot more. Was it possible_? I don't like being Sonia-chan very much. Not in front of this guy_, the ninja thought.

Once in the cashier, the maid started to take off the products from the basket while Saitama was looking for money in his pockets. The grocery store owner, a cheerful old man, passed all the groceries by the barcode scanner. When he finished, he looked at Sonia and said, smiling:

"It's 2000 yen, but I can leave it in 1800 yen if you go on a date with me, young lady"

Sonia frowned. _Eww, dating an old man? No way! But it's a discount... What will Saitama say?_ Unsure, 'she' looked at the hero with the corner of 'her' eye. The bald man was serious and glared at the store owner. It was always strange (_exciting_, said his inner Sonia) to see Saitama's sharp features instead of the dumb face he used to have.

"She's with me. Here are your 2000 yen"

The old man laughed.

"A jealous boyfriend! I'm sorry, young man. Let the lady decide"

Both men turned to look at 'her'. What happened to them? And why his stupid rival looked so good when he was serious?

"I am with Saitama... san"

"I was just kidding. have a good day!", the old man confessed, laughing.

"You too", both Saitama and Sonia replied, automatically. The hero went out first, with Sonia behind.

"I thought you were going to accept the discount!" the maid said, relieved. However, the bald man stopped and, without looking at 'her', replied:

"Do you really think I would act so lowly for 200 yen?"

Sonia didn't know what to say. They went back to the apartment in complete silence.

* * *

During the afternoon, the maid prepared the meal for the guests, tidied up the place and tried to apologize to Saitama, but he fell asleep on the futon with a manga over his chest. _I don't know why I worry so much, he's my rival and keeps me stuck. I don't care what he thinks about me!_, Sonic said to himself, ignoring the issue. Besides, he really thought the hero would accept the deal for 200 yen, so what! Stupid sensitive heroes!

In that moment, the doorbell rang. Sonia opened the door and saw Fubuki, Silver Fang and King.

"Oh? I didn't know a young lady was living with Saitama..." Master Bang said, surprised.

Fubuki looked contemptuously at 'her'. The maid did the same.

"I'm his housekeeper. My name is Sonia"

"Am I imagining things or you look similar to Fubuki?", the old man asked, smiling.

"You're imagining things", both the heroine and the maid replied.

King was the only one who remained silent and unshakeable. He watched Sonia very closely, but 'she' ignored him. That phase was over with the grocery market incident. Besides, Sonic just felt a bit sad because he couldn't fight with him. He had heard King was the strongest man in the world. If he was like Saitama... Sonic shivered with emotion.

"Saitama-san, your guests are here", Sonia announced. However, the home owner kept sleeping. The maid coughed a bit and, with a childish tone, said: "BALDY!". The hero woke up immediately, while the other heroes laughed.

"Don't call me...! Oh, hey, guys. I fell asleep"

"Don't worry, Saitama", Master Bang replied. Then, he pointed to Sonia, who was waiting around the kitchen. "I can see you have very good company besides Genos"

"Eh?" Saitama's eyes found Sonia's, but he dodged 'her' glaze immediately. "Yeah, I hired her to clean the apartment and cook while Genos and I are patrolling"

"By the way, where's Genos? I thought he would be here too", Fubuki asked, taking a biscuit.

"I don't know. I think he went to see Dr. Stench. He has been going there a lot, lately"

Sonic was furious, but tried hard not to show it. Saitama had looked away from him! How could he be so upset about something so stupid? He wanted to go away, it's wasn't funny to stay. He earned a lot more as a mercenary ninja anyway. _Fine, when this is over, I quit_, he thought, calmly.

"Excuse me, Sonia-san, can I have more tea, please?", Silver Fang asked. Sonia nodded and brought tea. When 'she' was retiring from the table, the old hero stopped 'her' by placing his hand over 'her' arm.

"Why don't you stay a while with us?"

"I'm just the housekeeper..."

"I don't think Saitama gets upset, right?"

Saitama made a hand gesture, as saying do-what-you-want, which Sonia found extremely irritating.

"Thank you very much, Silver Fang-san", the ninja said, taking a seat next to the dojo master. In front of them was King, who was still staring at 'her'. It was so intense that the ninja thought he had been discovered.

However, it was Bang who knew the secret. The maid's arm was a slim man's arm, with highly trained muscles. 'Her' 'ki' was masculine, too. However, the martial arts master decided to keep it to himself. _Life is hard for them, and if Saitama accepted them, it's alright. Maybe Sonia will confess it to him soon_, he thought while drinking tea.

Maybe Sonia had already done so, judging by the distance the bald hero kept between him and the maid. Besides, Bang had noted King's interest in the young maid, Fubuki's despective glare... It was too complicated.

* * *

After talking about a lot of things, drinking, eating and playing videogames, the heroes cleared the table. Sonia took some plates to the kitchen and, when 'she' was returning to pick some more, almost hit King, who had more plates.

"Oh, you shouldn't worry about this, King-san", Sonia muttered, nervous. The strongest man's glaze was still as intense as before. The ninja was sure he had been discovered. _If he threatens me, I'll follow him and..._

The hero pulled him out of his murderous thoughts.

"I... just wanted to tell you that you're really pretty"

Sonia/Sonic looked at him, bowled over.

"And I wanted to know if maybe you, eh... would want to have a date with... er, me"

Well, fight would have to wait.

"I'm not sure, I'll have to ask Saitama-san..."

_Wait, what does Saitama have to do with this?!_, Sonic scolded himself. His 'Sonia' side was showing too much preference for his bald enemy. Besides, he had seen his do-what-you-want attitude. Maybe Saitama wouldn't care at all. And, while Sonic was sure about quitting, he suddenly had the urge to see Saitama's face if he found out his Sonia-chan had a date. So he corrected:

"Anyway, if we meet after my work, I think there's no problem"

King seemed to smile, or something like that. He looked weird.

"I'm glad to hear it, Sonia-san. So, is it OK if I pick you up tomorrow night?"

"I suppose it's fine, King-san"

"You can call me just King"

Sonic was almost fed up. He smiled kindly and went back to the living room. Once there, he saw everything was tidy.

"You took so long in the kitchen that I did it myself", Saitama blurted out, carelessly. When he saw King behind 'her', he frowned.

"What were you doing in the kitchen, King? Were you annoying Sonia-chan?"

"No, I invited her to a date tomorrow and she accepted"

Sonia thought something bad was going to happen. However, Bang and Fubuki were still trying to play videogames, Saitama looked at King with his usual dumb face and King looked back at him with his usual stone-like expression.

_Boooring! Did I accepted for this?_, the ninja thought, but his Sonia side was anxious. Finally, the bald hero shrugged and turned his face, without looking at Sonia. Not even once.

"OK. Don't stay up to late, she must work the day after tomorrow"

"Got it", asnwered King.

Sonia sank in a deep pit... and that was terrible, because it forced Sonic to act as a girl, something it wasn't working for him anymore. _Sonia-chan, I hope you won't abandon me during tomorrow's date_, he sissed.

* * *

"Hey, Saitama-san, are you angry with me or what?", the maid asked once the guests were gone. 'She' sounded aggressive, but it was too late to correct it. However, the bald man didn't seem to notice. He was watching TV.

"It's nothing. I'm just tired"

"Do you need something?"

"No, thanks. I'd prefer being alone, if you don't mind"

"Well then, I'll be leaving. Good night"

Sonic left the apartment and then started to panic. Not only because of Saitama's attitude, but because there wasn't a single women's clothing in the building, it was too late to buy something and he was tired of his maid costume (that began to smell bad). He'd have to roam around the other abandoned apartments to look for some clothes. Anything would be fine.

Next morning, and after two hours of sleep, Sonic could analyze his findings: a shojo manga hoodie, a hair belt and some jeans that fitted him miraculosly. Underneath everything, he put on his ninja suit. At least, the outfit seemed OK for a girl. He knew nothing about it and hoped King neither.

During the day, Saitama skipped lunch and dinner. Genos too, he was still in Dr. Stench's lab.

Sonia-chan was silent inside Sonic's mind, who began worrying when he saw the date's hour getting closer and closer. _Hey, don't you dare leaving me alone with this moai, Sonia-chan... You hear me? Come on!_ He didn't get an answer.

He didn't get it either when King arrived. The hero had a hoodie that barely hid his features. Sonic smiled mechanically. He hoped to act convincingly as a girl excited with the date.

"Sonia-chan, I didn't know you liked this anime series", the hero said after greeting her. He was looking at 'her' hoodie... where there was no sight of breasts. Sonic had completely forgotten about that detail, ever since he bought the costume.

Also, he didn't know anything about the damn anime the moai was talking about. _Relax, I can always attack him_, he calmed himself.

"Ah, this is a gift from my... my older brother. I asked him for a pink hoodie and he brought me this one. And I liked it, of course..."

"It looks good on you", King said. After a pause, he added: "Do you want to see manga and anime games?"

Sonic faked a smile:

"Sure... And please, just call me Sonia".


	4. Triangle

**Housekeeper needed**

_By ArokuRaita_

Disclaimer: One Punch Man belongs to ONE and Yuusuke Murata and this fanfic was written nonprofit.

* * *

**4\. Triangle**

_I curse the moment I said yes to this dimwit. If it weren't for my stupid idea to act as a maid, I would have beaten him long ago_, Sonic said to himself while walking next to King. The hero didn't get what was happening inside his date's mind, so he kept talking about videogames, manga and anime. He was smiling, so it looked like he was having a good time. Sonic's face hurt from faking his smile.

After touring a lot in Z city's downtown and eating hamburgers (_Very romantic_, snorted Sonic to himself), King led his date to a couples' frequented park. Sonic gulped. King sat in a bench and invited 'Sonia' to do the same, but the ninja sat as far as possible.

"Well, Sonia-san... Tell me more about you... If you want, of course", King said, moving towards 'her'.

"Oh... There are so many things that I don't know where to start" Sonic replied, while moving away from the hero.

"I don't know either. Honestly, I'd never had a date before. Maybe my face doesn't show it, but I'm terribly nervous right now. You're really cute..."

_Aaww!_ Sonia said inside Sonic's mind. _NO, don't 'Aaww' me! Get me outta here NOW!_

Suddenly, the smile that was so hard to keep for the ninja was completely natural. Sonia, at last, took control of his head and 'she' knew what to do.

"King, you're really cute and I had a very good time tonight, but I think this is going too fast and I'm not sure if a relationship can work between us. I'm not ready for a relationship yet..."

_Those are cheap excuses, he'll never buy them_, Sonic thought, until he remembered King had null experience in dates. Sonia was a master.

The hero shook his head. Then, he looked Sonia/Sonic into 'her' eyes. Sonia cringed a bit. Without warning, he touched the maid's chin with his right hand and got closer to 'her'...

That was terrible, totally terrible, because King was a man, Sonic was a man, neither of them was attracted to people from their same sex and

_I LIKE SAITAMA!_, Sonia shouted. Terrified, Sonic covered his mouth. Thank God he didn't say anything. And it was on time, because King ended up kissing the ninja's hand.

"I... I'm so sorry, King, I must go", it was the only thing Sonic managed to say before vanishing. The poor hero couldn't reply and was left with his hand in the air.

* * *

"Is there a problem, Saitama-sensei?", Genos asked when he got to the apartment, in the evening. His visit to Dr. Stench was long, but worth it, because now he had new weapons and improvements.

Saitama looked a bit upset. It seemed something was bugging him and he looked the clock insistently.

"It's nothing, Genos. How was your visit?"

The cyborg noted his master changed the topic, but preferred not to mention it. So he answered and extended for more than 20 words. After a long monologue, Genos found out Saitama hadn't shut him up. In fact, he wasn't listening at all.

"Where is Sonia-san, sensei?", he suddenly asked. The bald hero's face reddened.

"Ah, she's is in a date with King"

Discreetly, Genos watched Saitama's skin reaction and measured his eyes pupils' size. _He has some issue with Sonia-san, but I don't know what can be_, the young hero thought.

Right in that instant, the apartment's door flung open and Sonia entered like a hurricane.

"I'm really sorry, Saitama-san and Genos-san! Unfortunately, I'll have to quit my job due to personal problems... If you can pay me now, I'll appreciate it. My... er... My older brother had an accident and I have to take care of him. They called me from the hospital"

"Don't worry, bring your brother here", Saitama said while getting close to 'her'. Genos looked at them, puzzled. The ninja stepped away instinctively.

"No, he must stay at the hospital... And I have to look after him there. I can't come here anymore"

"Did something happen with King?" the bald hero asked. Again, his expression was serious. _Dammit, baldy, just let me go already! And don't look at me with that face!_

"N-No, nothing! Everything was alright..."

"Are you a couple?"

_What the hell?_ the ninja thought.

"No, that's ridiculous! We talked about videogames and nothing more. Please, I really must go..."

Genos got up and gave the money to the maid, who received it automatically. Sonic was afraid of being found out, especially by Saitama. _The robot is a tough rival, but I can manage him. However, the bald one can harm me a lot if he's mad. And he'll obviously be if he finds out I'm a man!_

"Here you are, Sonia-san!", said someone in 'her' back. The ninja thought about fleeing away, because nobody would catch him, but Saitama was too close...

"What's happening, King?" the home owner asked. His voice was cold.

"Dude, I'm sorry. It's just that Sonia-san ran away and I wanted to apologize to her. I think I was a bit rude..."

Saitama's expression was scary.

"What. Did. You. Do"

The S Class hero was about to answer, when Sonic interrupted them. He was fed up and didn't want to think about why he played the farce for so long, but he wouldn't take it anymore.

"He did nothing to me, baldy. Honestly, I don't know why I ran away from him and why I came here instead of going away. It must be for the money"

Sonic took off his hoodie, revealing his ninja suit. A sarcastic and relaxed smile bloomed in his face, but it was obviously false. To face Saitama and tow S Class heroes was a big deal. It was exciting and worrying at the same time. His mind made up a plan in a second: finishing King and the robot and run far away from Saitama as fast as possible.

"Who are you? Does this mean...?" King asked, with a disengaged face.

"Yes, stupid hero. I'm the fastest ninja in the world and my name is Speed of Sound Soni..."

"Are you Sonia-san's brother?"

Sonic looked at him, surprised.

"No, I pretended to be Sonia during all this time to get intel about Saitama. I don't have a sister. Don't you see?"

"Does this mean...?"

"Yeah, you almost kissed a man, you dimwit"

"...Sonia-san doesn't exist?" King finished his sentence. He looked depressed. Saitama's face was the dumber one. Genos was the only one who nodded.

Sonic watched them. It seemed his revelation shocked them and just an amateur would let that opportunity pass, so he attacked the cyborg directly, who took a second to realize...

But a hand grabbed the ninja by the suit, stopping him.

"Not here, please. The housecleaning was made today"

"Oh, you're right", Sonic said, and in that moment he found out his plan failed.


	5. The worst imaginable situation

**Housekeeper needed**

_By ArokuRaita_

Disclaimer: One Punch Man belongs to ONE and Yuusuke Murata and this fanfic was written nonprofit.

Last chapter, thank you for enduring my writing! xD

* * *

**5\. The worst imaginable situation**

King walked towards Sonic, who was still being held by Saitama. The ninja looked like a guilty puppy and waited the S Class hero attack, but King only inclined and apologized for trying to kiss him. It was so absurd; maybe all heroes were as awkward as him.

"Hey, King, aren't you upset for being totally tricked by me? I made you look like a fool!"

The hero scratched his head.

"But you were really cute..."

"Are you mocking me?! I'm gonna...!" the ninja kicked the air, enraged. King left the apartment, with his head down.

Saitama didn't say anything. His face was inexpressive, so it was impossible to know what he was thinking.

"Genos, can you leave us alone for some hours, please?"

"Sensei, will you punish this criminal for what he did?"

"Yes, but I'll do it my way"

He answered so coldly that the cyborg and the ninja shuddered. The first one seemed to look at the caught man with pity.

Saitama took him from the wrist and Sonic tried to dodge him, to no avail. _I'm gonna die_, he thought. Then, he had the bad idea to look at his rival's eyes and felt a chill down his spine.

"I don't think you know what I'm feeling right now, Sonic"

"I'd rather not to know it, honestly", the ninja answered, looking away. Anything was better than seeing the ice blocks that Saitama had for eyes.

"Then, it would be good that you could run away"

Sonic tried with all his might, in vain, although the hero had him only by one wrist. With his free hand, the black haired man threw him all the shuriken he had. With his free hand, Saitama stopped them. Kicks, punches and even a headbutt didn't harm him.

Sonic's desperation rose higher. That stupid baldy was too strong! How could he even think about winning?

"I get it, Saitama. You're faster and stronger than me. I swear I won't bother you again" Sonic muttered. He slid down the wall until he reached the floor, feeling tired and humiliated.

"Who said that's what I want? You're very good at cleaning. But you lied to me and that deserves a punishment"

"Well, then hurry up, baldy"

"Don't call me that! Besides, I must punish you for taking advantage of my feelings and getting me jealous with King"

"Hold on right there! You never told me anything! And King took me by surprise! You deserve it for being stupid. It's not fair"

"Life isn't fair, Sonic. I'm condemned to be the fastest man on Earth and you're condemned to clean my house for free"

"That doesn't make sense! What do you want? You want me to humiliate myself? To leave without my payment? Or maybe...?"

Suddenly, the ninja narrowed his eyes and a seductive smile appeared in his face. There still was one ace in his sleeve. Saitama may have been attracted to Sonia, but his feelings for Sonic had to be different.

Dumbfounded, Saitama almost let go his captive. He was conscious of a power stronger than his. It wasn't something he could end with just one punch.

Sonic brought his lips to Saitama's hand - the one that was imprisoning his wrist, and brushed them softly over the hero's fingers. After that, he licked them.

"What are you doing, Sonic?" the hero asked, a bit troubled.

_I'm forcing you to release me, you idiot_, the young man thought, but didn't say anything. He just carried his free hand to Saitama's thighs and caressed the area near his crotch. The hero didn't stop him, but he got closer to Sonic's ear instead.

"If you think I'm gonna let you go because of this, you're damn wrong. In fact, you're going to make things worse"

"You know that Sonia doesn't exist and that I'm a man, right?"

"I'm very aware of that"

The ninja paused. It was the worst situation he had imagined. Finally, he shrugged and smiled:

"I've suffered countless tortures during my life. Having sex with a man won't kill me"

Silently, Saitama led him to a small crack in the wall, next to the futon. There was a hole that got through the wall coating and part of the concrete.

"I did this some days ago", Saitama said, and then whispered in Sonic's ear: "I came when I thought about you, Sonic"

He put all the emphasis in his masculine name. The ninja looked at him and in his violet eyes, finally, there was pure terror. The hero nodded. If he released him, Sonic would vanish forever, but at least Saitama wouldn't feel jealous or ridiculous. It was the best thing he could do.

Breathing in, Saitama let go the ninja, who ran to the balcony in less than a second. Breathing out slowly, the hero followed him.

"I hope you keep choosing the right thing from now on", the bald hero said while closing the window.

"I doubt it", Sonic replied behind him. It was the first time Saitama couldn't follow his rival's movements, and he felt a chill of excitement when the ninja hugged him and pressed his body against his back.

* * *

"Wow, you're full of scars"

"When I talked about tortures, I wasn't kidding"

Saitama was lying over Sonic as he observed his naked figure. It was very easy to confuse him with a small breasted woman, because his waist was small, his hips looked a bit wider, his legs were long and his muscles, although toned, weren't bulky. Also, those eyes... With his index finger, Saitama caressed his partner's face.

"Well, are we gonna make it or you'll watch me with that dumb face all day long?" the ninja spat after a while. He felt awkward after the deep look the hero gave to his body. The hero laughed.

"I'm sorry, I'll take all my time to admire the beauty of the second fastest man in the world"

Sonic blushed.

"What are you saying, you moron. Soon I'll be faster than you! Besides... What do you see in me? You could be with Fubuki, it's obvious she likes you..."

Saitama got up a bit and stared at the ninja. His face was serious and his sharp features sent pleasant chills down the dark haired man's spine.

"I never felt particularly attracted to women, and even less to men. This is the first time I feel something like this for someone. And what I see in you is that you strive to be better, your cooking is delicious and your housecleaning is fast and good. Now stop asking stupid questions or I'll shut you up"

"Your answer doesn't make sen... Mmmf!"

During a long time, they let their skin talk and their hands tangled in each other's body. Pleasure didn't decay even for a second and their climax left them sweating and panting. They didn't expect fighting each other that way, but they didn't resist either.

"Hey, Sonic, tell me something" Saitama said. He was lying on the futon, with his arms crossed under his head, and smiled. His partner rested by his side, with one of his arms over the hero's chest.

"What do you want?"

"Why did you acted as a maid for so long? You could have left earlier..."

Sonic turned his back to the bald man. With this, he hoped he could hide his blushing face.

"For money. What else could be?"

"Dating King was for money too? Or did you want to make me jealous?"

After a while, the ninja muttered:

"I wanted to know what was in your head"

"Eh? Sorry, I didn't hear you", the hero smiled. Sonic turned to face him, red and furious.

"I wanted to know what was in your stupid baldy hea… Mmmf!"

THE END


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